“An optimist stays up until midnight to see the New Year in. A pessimist stays up to make sure the old year leaves.” — Bill Vaughn
“Anything that annoys you is teaching you patience. Anyone who abandons you is teaching you how to stand up on your own two feet. Anything that angers you is teaching you forgiveness and compassion. Anything that has power over you is teaching you how to take your power back. Anything you hate is teaching you unconditional love. Anything you fear is teaching you courage to overcome your fear. Anything you can’t control is teaching you how to let go.” —Jackson Kiddard
“Being male is a matter of birth. Being a man is a matter of age. But being a gentleman is a matter of choice.” —Vin Diesel
“I am learning everyday to allow the space between where I am and where I want to be to inspire me and not terrify me.” —Unknown
If you’re anything like my family then you should find that the holiday season can bring joy, bonding, laughter, and the inevitable arguments! It’s true, something about everyone flying home for the holidays and being cooped up in the same house with relatives brings up unwanted tension. Though, this may sound tedious it can also be rewarding for your growth.
It is not too common that people will have friendships with people who share opposite views, opposite activities, and opposite tempers. In some retrospec, people naturally will befriend those who share similar views. Not to say that people only want clones of themselves in their inner circle but for the most part people want friendships with people they will not collide heads with. It is this same reasoning why you might be prone to have disagreements with your relatives when you’re shacking up with them for the holidays. This is especially true for siblings.
Fortunately, your families can be great teachers for you. Most families are made up of different personalities; some more dominant than others. Either way, your family can teach you patience, compassion, empathy, and effective communicate. This is an excellent benefit to you especially if you live in the real world where you will run into people who do not think the same way as you. I’ve come up a 5-step guideline to make amends if you are in a heated argument with a relative.
- Be patient
- Listen to them
- Try understanding them
Let’s say you’re faced with a difficult and stubborn sibling. It helps you to elevate mentally by taking a step back, be patient and listen to their opinion or the problem at bay. This can be hard for some people because they are so eager to speak that they miss what the other person is telling them and inevitably this will lead to misunderstanding and no real resolution. However if you can be patient then you will be able to clearly listen to their issue and they will be more open to give you that same respect when it is your turn to speak. Once you have practiced being patient and listening you will find it easier to understand your sibling. Nevertheless, their guard and defense will also dissolve thus allowing you to relax too. Once you’re back in a calm open-minded mental state you can implement empathy to help alleviate any remaining discomfort the other might have.
Lastly, apologize. Apologize? Yes, apologize! I can imagine this will be tough for some to grasp but just hear me out. For example, say your sibling and yourself had an exchange of words that were hurtful to one another. Once you’ve gotten through steps 1-4, you two should already be on the verge of completely making amends so realistically it won’t be that hard to finish with an I’m sorry and hug it out. But I like to break things down for an easier digestion so allow me to explain why an apology is critical. An apology can serve as a benefit both for yourself and in this scenario, your sibling. Even if your sibling was definitely in the wrong it is still important to apologize to them. Your apology is not a sign of weakness it is actually a strength. Even if your sibling just cannot muster up the words of “I’m sorry” to you it is okay because you’ve already received your apology– the apology from yourself to yourself.
As I mentioned, an apology serves the both of you. If you apologize to your sibling, and they are immature they may think that they have won the battle. But this is far from true. When you apologize to them you are the real one gaining peace of mind and showcasing your strength. You gain peace because you’ve actually just manipulated the discussion to your favor. You’ve shifted the energy into one that is more light-hearted. You are the one in control just like a maestro is in control of the direction of his orchestra. Unbeknownst to your sibling they are too consumed in their ego to see what is happening below the surface. To be honest, your apology is most beneficial to you more so than the sibling. When you say “hey, I’m really sorry for yelling at you and calling you out of your name” that is in essence an apology to yourself. Because deep down you know that you are kind, peaceful, and loving so when you act out by yelling, cursing, slamming doors it is our of your character and you need to apologize to your mind, body, and soul for breathing in that negative toxic energy.
To delve deeper, think of a time you were really upset with someone. Did you yell? Were you stressed out? Did you punch the wall? Did you seek out revenge? All of these things are poisonous to yourself and you’re really causing dis-ease to your body. Not to be confused with disease, but rather a body not in ease. What happens when you yell? You get stressed and irritable. This stress can most definitely cause dis-ease to your physical body. You might get a headache, lose your voice from yelling, or even discover some new gray hairs. When you are angry and you punch a wall you can cause harm to your hand. Or if you drive off in a rage you could get into a car accident. I mean seriously, even strokes can be triggered by intense stress! So do yourself some justice and apologize for your actions. That apology is owed to your body from the stress that you caused it and that apology will summon the other person to drop their anger towards you. Thus allowing you two to be in harmony again and more importantly allowing you to regain your peace again. If you skip out on apologizing then you are susceptible to having unfinished business which will likely cause underlying tension between the two of you. Which will likely cause you more stress and make you vulnerable to the same argument resurfacing. So this is why I highly recommend finishing with a genuine apology.
As for your sibling or the person you were arguing with, they may never apologize to you but that’s okay because you are not dependent on their apology or lack thereof. Ironically, your sibling is the one who gets the short end of the stick because they will always be dependent on someone else’s apology and if one is not given to them they will tend to harbour resentment, anger, hatred, and other deep-seated issues which will create disharmonious ease to their physical body. They will find themselves always in confrontation, stressed out, and more prone to exhaustion. Furthermore, the negative energies will bog them down so much that other people may find their aura to be unsettling. It is unfortunate but that kind of person will always be in defense mode and will lead a pessimistic life if they do not change for the better. So again I say to make amends the best way you can with others in order to gain your self-peace and happiness. Be thankful of those who are different than you as they will be your learning curve to creating the peaceful life you desire.
“It’s ok to be a glowstick; sometimes we need to break before we shine.”
“Don’t look for a partner who is eye candy. Look for a partner who is soul food” —Karen Salmansohn
“We must remember that we are powerful beyond measure. Each obstacle we are forced with is another opportunity to use our power. It is a great step toward our greatness” —Erykah Badu
“Underwater, no one can see you cry” —Unknown
“A person often meets their destiny on the road they used to avoid it” —Jean de La Fontaine